“Would you tell me, please,
which way I ought to go from here?’
‘That depends a good deal on
where you want to get to,’ said the Cat.
‘I don’t much care where -‘ said Alice.
‘Then it doesn’t matter which way you go,’ said the Cat.
‘- so long as I get SOMEWHERE,’
Alice added as an explanation.
‘Oh, you’re sure to do that,’ said the Cat,
‘if you only walk long enough.”

― Lewis Carroll,
“Alice in Wonderland”

I have arrived.

‘Where?’ you might ask.

In the here and now. I am present.

This might sound weird to you as an announcement. But I need to acknowledge that I am spending more time in the here and now than I have been able to hold previously.

Being present and living in the moment has been made popular in the past twenty years (though I imagine it has been always there and waiting). I have worked hard (I know, that’s an odd way to simply ‘Be Here Now’) practicing yoga, mindfulness, meditation, and breathing exercises to increase my awareness and ability to be present.

Yet, I fall back to reflecting on the past and envisioning the future as my preferred ways of using my thinking time.

In my 20s, 30s and 40s, I spent a significant amount of time reviewing, ruminating, and revisiting my past and my past actions. I try to learn from every situation (good and difficult). I take more than my share of the responsibility for relationships. Much of this time spent replaying every interaction results in lots of would have-could have-should have that weren’t particularly helpful.

When not looking in the rearview mirror, I love to envision the future.

I relish thinking about and planning what’s next.

While my grounding in the past, the lessons the past can provide, and my hope for the future are strengths that serve me well, there is something very special about not thinking, quieting one’s mind, and simply being.

All the personality-style tools that have assessed my natural energies capture me as a naturally action-oriented, outwardly-focused, experiential, and spontaneous person. Perhaps this is why slowing down to just be is a little elusive for me.

• In what direction does your mind pull you?

• Where do you like to dwell?

I have always appreciated friends who so easily hold the present. It is not being asleep or numb to what is happening – it is an active calm of physical, mental, social, and spiritual being in the moment as well as being with the persons they are with.

Though I would, add being an observer to my choices of past reviewing and future creating — all of these views don’t provide me with the respite of just living the moment.

I still make my lists. Still work the plan. Still have responsibilities. But right now, at this time in my life, I am more present for each moment, interaction, and experience. I am living in the now instead of waiting to reflect upon it at the end of the day.

Did I arrive having this new vantage point through all my practicing of yoga, mindfulness, meditation, breathing, and other stuff? Heck no!

The summer of unexpected interruptions and challenges has placed me in a perpetual state of not having control, causing me to mostly relinquish needing to control everything. In doing so, living the moment has filled in the space.

I am sure that my understanding of ‘Be Here Now’ and practice of those skills has helped me accept the gift of letting go and letting come without too much struggle. If I think about it too much, it might disappear. So, enough writing about being present, I am going to go back to just being.

For me, that means doing one thing at a time with devoted attention and intention.

Let’s see how long I can live in this space. I will always be a visionary; always like using my rear-view mirror to make sense of things. But, now to those ways of living, I get to add a quieter, less busy, present self to the mix.

• Who are you bringing to the party?

Leslie

“I wonder if I’ve been changed in the night.
Let me think.
Was I the same when I got up this morning?
I almost think I can remember feeling a little different.
But if I’m not the same, the next question is.

‘Who am I?’
Ah, that’s the great puzzle!”

— Lewis Carroll
“Alice in Wonderland”