Breaking Boundaries: Taken Down by a Toe

Is anyone else tired or feeling overwhelmed?

Have you learned to have boundaries between your work life, home life, and all the responsibilities that are required of us as we navigate the complexity of daily life in a pandemic, with societal unrest, in an election year with a fragile economy and chronic disruptions?

Have I missed anything?

Are young parents stretched too far by virtual school and work life?

Are those of us in our advancing years wondering if we have the stamina for all the new challenges?

I, who learn as much about myself as I do about the person for whom I am supporting, was identifying with a recent highly-functioning client during our coffee conversation. We both recognized that our focus and follow-through had ratcheted up to an intensity that was not so productive. That our tools of list making, prioritization, and action planning are serving us well but perhaps have become the master of our lives and not the productive tools in our tool kit. I could feel the on-set of a sense of burn-out brought on by my sense of hyper-responsibility. Slow or moderate is not a gear I use to my advantage. I have always struggled with pacing myself. I like to go fast, make things happen and check the items off the list. And, I like to help.

I walked away from our conversation feeling like I needed to let go or just loosen my over-attachment to my lists. To live with less structure and driven intensity.

Within days of having this thought I had a ‘careful what you wish for’ moment. I didn’t just slow things down, I came to a grinding halt —I experienced a minor accident that stopped me in my tracks. Having made plans to travel for the first time in six months to connect with one of my niece’s family – though rusty in my ‘road warrior’ habits – I was ready to go at the crack of dawn, dogs in the kennel, coverage for the cat and fish, excited to be relocated to someplace different – when I pulled the suitcase off the door step onto my foot. Such a little movement with just the right effect.

Though I proceeded to load the car and catch the cat, limping and planning my next steps …. It was the light of the car door that showed me the damage. Head down, pushing hard…determined to stick to the plan….I finally after half an hour realized I could not and should not present myself at the airport with a significantly damaged, newly wrapped big toe.

So after a trip to the closest E.R.—  where I received great care and learned the importance of big toes and nails and healthy feet — I returned home, retrieved some pain medicine, and took to my bed. And there I staid, practically for a week. The toe needed three days to improve and my head needed a week to clear.

Now that I am slowly picking up my schedule, I realized when asked how I was feeling, that I answered with, “I am coming back…..(pause)…but trying not to hit it too hard.” I think I was meant to slow down and this was an opportunity for me to re-enter my life in a different way.

I did need to recover from the accident and also from the driving pace of the last six months. It has been a wake-up-call of sorts. I thought that I was self-aware and attending to balance. However, I found myself really needing a complete break. While I was not listening to my body, my body finally asserted its needs.

I have learned this lesson many times in my life. I always commit to a different approach to living and working. I learn yet again, I will drive hard, accept responsibility, and do all I can in all situations. I may not ever change this approach to work.

Laid back is not a description of my personality. I still want to explore how I can learn from this most recent experience. What I am taking away is that in the intensity of the change, collapse, and chaos that we are collectively experiencing, I need to consider these ways of approach the next months ahead.

I need to:

• Change my location and perspectives with fresh experiences;
• Deeply connect with some good friends and family;
• Break out of the well-worn ruts that I have adopted during the last six months;
• Do something silly and self-indulgent besides eating pints of Mitchells ice cream; (Admittedly I never stopped doing this.)
• Count my blessings, And my friends;
• Think of new ways to brighten up the soon-to-be-dark-days-of-winter; (I wonder what character or historical figure or inspirational leader should I channel for my inspiration?)
• Pick a project that has been ignored on my ‘To Do’ list that would give me a sense of great satisfaction;
• And so many more of the simple habits of well-being.

As I write out my aspirations, I became aware that I had just generated another To Do List! Maybe if I hold it gently and don’t make it my master it will guide me and not drive me in a direction of renewal.

I am back from my imposed, accidental staycation but have decided to choose a pace better suited for being back in marathon mode.

Wishing you wellness and days filled with Fall fun and festivity!

Leslie

“When I let go of what I am, I become what I might be.”  

— Lao Tzu

__________________________

RENEWAL

“Time to tend the embers.

My fire still burns bright

But its work is to be quiet

And let the embers do the work ”

— Leslie Yerkes