“If you can’t change the situation, change yourself.” PART TWO

Bullying may be common and a common part of living but it is never good. Bullying hurts people – physically, emotionally, socially, and spiritually. Bullying may even scar for life.

Bullying has existed as long as there have been children asserting their power over other children. That is, unfortunately, forever. When adults tangle, the inability to persuade through reason may lead to this heavy-handed and righteous assertion of power. Though we may have reduced the level of autocratic leadership in the workplace, bullying has sprouted in other forms of adult interactions such that it seems as if there is an epidemic of bullying among adults.

In spite of what the collective human experience has learned about behavior and our advance toward tolerance, the stresses of living and working with others often erode our best intentions and drive us back to our most primal method of interaction – the use of force to get our way.

Under stress, our parental ego state – I know better than you – still can be set into action. When it does, ego overcomes good sense, righteousness clouds good judgment, and bad behavior is asserted. And our gut-reaction responses to bullying will likely follow one of these two paths:

1. Bully back.

2. Take your toys and go home.

In my life, I have been struggling to find a way to deal with the bullying I am currently experiencing. I realize I should model zero tolerance for bullying and that I should not bully back. But I wanted more than that. I wanted specific, clearly defined things-to-do to help me deal with the negative effects of being bullied.

Surprisingly, what I found when I looked was infinite space.

In “Man’s Search for Meaning,” Victor Frankel said there is a space between stimulus and response. Space, by definition, is infinite. And infinite space contains an infinite number of possibilities. That meant that as I searchedf for a response to being bullied, what I needed to do was use my awareness and self-control to search the space to find and follow a response that best reflects the person I choose to be. A response that would not allow me to resort to the easy, automatic reactions – the use of force or hiding from the world.

In all ways, the response we choose to being bullied, the response that best reflects our authentic self, will represent the vision of who we are and who we choose to become. Our chosen response, then, will encourage us to ignore negative voices – the bullying – and choose a bright and ennobling path to follow.

• When you are bullied, how do you respond?

• Did you adequately search the space between stimulus and response?

• Did your response accurately represent the person you truly are?

• By exhibiting your true, honest, and authentic self can you foresee the possibility of having a positive effect on the bullies in your life?

Leslie