Currently Lost

Today at breakfast — while coaching a friend and former client — I found that what I had been discovering in my life was helpful in framing his current sense of imbalance.

I know this man well. I understand him through the lens of his personality styles, personal values, work ethic and intention. He has risen to the position of leadership in his organization. He is in a field that requires individuals to risk their lives while doing their jobs and saving the lives of others. Stress is part of the work and managing it is essential. However, he was asking for help having lost his self-control, and then his self-confidence.

It wasn’t hard to want to lean in and coach this good person.

I have known this individual at his best and now at his most vulnerable.

I first showed him a picture I had of him doing something very well. I asked him what he remembered from that day and how it made him feel. What did he see in the picture and who was supporting him? Was he being successful, and did he accomplish the objective? His answers were, Yes! Yes! And Yes! With a smile.

And where was the man now? “Currently Lost,” he replied.

As we spoke, I realized that many of us might be feeling lost after this past year of becoming distanced. This man gets his energy from talking, moving, touching and taking action. In this pandemic year he was not able to use his preferred strengths. He lost his connection to his energy and to those around him.

I have a hunch that he is not alone in feeling disconnected.

Though we see each other on zoom calls and talk via text, phone, and email – it is not the same as sitting across from another person, sharing a meal and just being around the corner.

What he and I found out as together we peeled back his experience was that the connection between himself and others had become taut and thin. Too thin to feel, hold, and translate the feeling of respect and connectedness.

What was also affected was the path of communication. This leader’s organization had spent many years working on their culture and quality of communication. Though the commitment to the cultural norms and effective communication was intended – the distancing during the pandemic and a change in the hierarchy above him had weakened the bonds and sense of transparency.

What had emerged was a more active grapevine – jungle drum type of sharing that quickly became convoluted as it passed through each person’s narrative filter, becoming more twisted and out of focus with each pass.

As he understood that he could not change another person’s internal narrative — or battle with the distorted messaging — he could reconnect. He could start convening. He could reinvigorate the channel for communication.

Rather than let it break down, he could break through.

I shared with him that our transitions with the vaccine would never return us to “normal,” because “normal” no longer exists. He and I and his entire workforce and their families, as well as our communities, have experienced a collective event from which we are forever changed. Unknowingly, we are tired and carrying cumulative stress. We have lost some of the fabric of our connections. Essential pieces of our communications are missing and need to be restored. We know how to do this.

We are not going back to the way it was – but going forward into the way that works and keeps us healthy.

We have layers of stress to take off like winter clothes.

We have relationships to repair.

We have pathways to connection, convening and conversations to bring back into our daily ways.

If you are struggling or feeling lost, you are not alone.

Let’s together return to what works …. In a new way and discover our best selves again.

“Sometimes the bad things that happen in our lives 
put us directly on the path to the best things 
that will ever happen to us.”