Don’t Let Taking Sides Take You Over

by | Apr 29, 2015

In 2007, my book They Just Don’t Get It! framed the key lessons that I learned about organizational change and resistance. I love sharing the 5 key for turning resistance into understanding and still find them very relevant.  Here they are.

Key One: Don’t Place Blame; Take Responsibility
Key Two: Force Begets Resistance; Practice Humility
Key Three: Telling Turns Them Off; Begin with Questions
Key Four: Being Right Might Be Wrong; Remain Open

Key Five: If You Believe They Can’t, They Won’t; Believe They Can

I work these keys everyday. And in so doing so, I have discovered five more keys to help in a world that is separating into sides and polarizing behaviors.

These five behaviors, if worked regularly, will:

  • Deepen commitment to finding common ground and understanding (even in the most fractious of situations)
  • Shift us from doing into a state of being (which grounds one in balance)

The internet, like  no other force before, can bring like-minded people together while it drives other-minded people apart. With it, we have the ability to seek out those who agree with us, who think like we do. That reinforces our position but at the same time reinforces sides.

The minute we take a side, we set in motion a tug of war between the poles of the space between us. We no longer see people as individuals, but as one of them. Someone to disagree with, to fight with, to dislike. Or worse.

My friend has a three-year-old boy who has learned to watch football, and other sports, on TV. Because of the allegiances of his father, the first thing the three-year-old wants to know when he looks at the players on the screen is, “Who’s the Bad Guys?”

And so it begins.

Friendly rivalries are one thing. They can be beneficial and invigorating. Taken to extremes, they can become antagonistic and enervating.

When faced with situations in our daily life – both personal and professional – that seem to call for sides, consider these five behaviors.

One: Don’t choose a side, choose a direction. It shouldn’t be about which ONE of us will win, but rather, how can we both  benefit from the situation. Agreeing on where we want to go should help us work together to get there.

Two: When you bump into difference, find the common ground. Instead of walking into a new store and finding fault with how they do things ‘wrong,’ try to find five new things they do differently that have benefit to you.

Three: Be curious about the world and the people in it. Don’t close your mind to the unknown. Ask questions about what something is, what it does, and how it makes things better. Don’t supply ready-made answers, become inquisitive.

Four: Reflect on what you are feeling and what you are reacting to. Nothing is without consequence. Your feelings are a consequence of something. Try to find the root cause of your feelings, evaluate it, and live in the moment without the coloration of prejudgment.

 Five: Engage and commit to being your best self every day. Life is a series of consecutive and interconnected decisions. If nothing is without consequence, then every choice leads somewhere. When you choose to be your best, guess where you wind up? Choose well.

 

For each of these five new behaviors, think of one situation in which you found yourself in the last six months.

  • How did you handle the situation?
  • What was the result? If everything worked out, great. Do more.
  • If you weren’t happy with the results you got, what could you do to change the outcome?

If you find these behaviors interesting and valuable, let me know.

Leslie