“The more I learn, the more I realize
how much I don’t know.”

— Albert Einstein

Things can be simple and easy if we let them.

Also living and learning the lessons that expand our horizons have a touch of complexity as well. Decisions are not always binary: Yes or no. Do or don’t. In or out.

There are gray areas and finesse.

I am learning not to go with my first reaction and to trust my instincts. This is very paradoxical. However, I have learned from a beloved colleague to embrace the paradox. The opposing forces if held with mutual respect for both sides can create an understanding that is balanced and the best of both worlds.

I also know that for every action, there is a reaction. I am learning to slow down my need to act and insert some reflection, an internal conversation, and often bouncing it off a sounding board of friends. The more perspectives I receive the more open I am to other options.

This past week I found myself with a very soft heart, and a calm, abundant attitude. I had spent my Sunday at Pebble Ledges Ranch being facilitated by Jackie Lowe Stevenson and Hannah Adelstein in a workshop involving yoga, breath work, and the magnificent herd of horses as partners. It was blissfully shared with a group of other adults who want to bring their kind selves into the world. It was a great way to end a week and begin another. I wanted to hold onto this quiet space in my heart for as long as possible.

My week presented some need to be assertive with my boundaries. I can stand up, speak up, and be brave in the face of poor behavior for anyone else but myself. I don’t like to feel or express anger. I don’t like to become a brick wall. This week I learned that I could do that without becoming too emotional — but I still don’t like going to that place.

Because I did, things got back on track, and somethings were resolved. The other things I will let go of as a friend once told me, “You can’t dance rationally with crazy.” Good advice.

I am getting ready to start a new week and am looking at my notes about what I learned.

I started a riff about what I would retire from doing/being:

• • Relationships that are one-sided.
  • Roles that are not needed, valued or appreciated.
  • Obligation.
  • Putting myself last.
  • Holding on to grievances.
  • Quietly quitting.

And, I am sure, more to come.

Instead, I am going to walk towards:

• • Letting things sort themselves out for a while.
  • Acting only when needed
  • Leaving some things alone.
  • Giving without expectation.
  • Picking up a new way.
  • Doing what I can without anger or expectation.
  • Focusing on gratitude.
  • Taking responsibility for myself, my actions, and reactions.

• Can you relate?

• Do you have a list like mine?

I really benefit from the perspectives of others when I share what I am wrestling with. I also learn from all the content that is in the world. Recently, a friend shared a book with me that I had missed. Gail Sheehy, author of the bestselling ‘Passages’ — which codified the phases of a woman’s life. Sheey realized she had stopped too early so she researched and wrote a second book entitled ‘New Passages – mapping you life across time’ that extended her research deeper into aging for both men and women.

As I was ruminating about what life is to look like, feel like, and be as I move through transitions, I found Gail’s research captivating. This age called 65 — when society created a timeline for when formal careers should end and retirement begin — has more to consider. This, I discovered, was affirmed by Gail Sheehy’s interviews and surveys with both men and women.

In the inside book cover of ‘New Passages,’ she outlines The New Map of Adult Life. I found it very hopeful and accurate.

She describes the:

• • Tryout Twenties
  • Turbulent Thirties
  • Flourishing Forties
  • Flaming Fifties
  • Serene Sixties
  • Sage Seventies
  • Uninhibited Eighties
  • Nobility of the Nineties
  • Celebratory Centenarians

• Where are you?

I am in the “Serene Sixties,” when all things start to make sense.

Her chapter on this phase shares data that a person’s sixties can support ‘mature love, a growing brain, a sexual discovery, active risk taking, and the joys of grand parenting’.

So many friends have shared what aging is not. I really like the perspective of what aging can be if only you embrace all the benefits.

I love to surround myself with individuals of all ages. I learn and appreciate their personal journeys. I have had a best buddy centenarian and enjoy the company of and nobility of my nineties friend and neighbor. I have mostly been the youngest member of my professional friendships and so have colleagues who chart the course for me in showing me what life fully lived can be.

Now, I often find myself the senior in the groups I am in. I hope not to sit on a pedestal pontificating as if I have learned all the lessons — instead I strive to actively and openly engage in learning, sharing, contributing, and valuing the people I am with.

I can’t honestly tell you what age I feel.

Just a grateful girl (with six dogs) doing the best she can, each day, discovering repeatedly that life is about:

Letting go and Letting come naturally (and sometimes intentionally).

Leslie

“The brick walls are there for a reason.
The brick walls are not there to keep us out.
The brick walls are there to give us a chance to show
how badly we want something.
Because the brick walls are there to stop the people
who don’t want it badly enough.
They’re there to stop the other people.”

― Randy Pausch