A person close to me is in transition and at loose ends. They have entered that period of life known as retirement, which is supposed to be relaxing and rewarding but which is often confusing and frustrating.

 

While I watch and stand supportively on the sidelines, I see the ‘fraying’ in their life. I want to leap in and help them, and save them from unraveling. I have some experience and observations that I think will be helpful as they work through their new experiences and find a new life-structure in retirement. But I am cautious. I recognize they are resistant to accept help and yet, I want to contribute in a caring way. I know that relief will not happen in one conversation but rather will emerge slowly, little by little, over time. And so I don’t push.

 

All my business life, I have been helping clients make changes in their businesses and also in the way employees and owners relate to change, and to each other. This competence is directly in my business wheel house and falls under the heading of coaching, something else with which I have years of experience.

 

Lots of people coach with various levels of experience and expertise. But while there seems to be an abundance of coaching sources, there are elements of coaching that should be present for the process to be effective, good coaching.

 

Coaching is a skill that requires the coach to be 100% in the present along with the person being coached. As I coach my friend, I cannot fall into the trap where the learning that is generated from the coaching process is more about me than it is about them. Keeping the proper perspective is always a struggle, but when you become delighted in your personal learning, coaching can backfire.

 

Recently, I made the transition from the full-time job of care-giving and estate-settlement back to full-time work life. Everyone told me that learning to live in a world without my parents, their influence, and their place in my life would be in a big life transition. (They were right!)

 

During this period, I coached myself and made myself available to the unplanned coaching of others. The secret to good intentional coaching is to ask good questions. The secret to receiving effective unplanned coaching is to ponder your intentions and evaluate them truthfully and completely.

 

The seven questions that follow are a few of the ones that I explored for two years as I did the work of closing down my mother’s estate and plotting the course of my life going forward. These are also some of the questions I am considering framing to help my friend build a new structure for their life now that the old structure of their work life is gone.

I still revisit these questions, and many more. I continue to fill my head with inspirational content from authors and friends, and I have found I have caring coaches all around me just waiting for me to ask them for their help.

 

Do you know someone in transition – from high school to college, college to career, career to retirement, or with a new baby or aging parent responsibilities?

 

Are you letting go of one structure that you have mastered to navigate into a new phase of your life?

What is your approach?

What questions and conversations would help you to sort it out?