I See You

Have you ever felt invisible? Unheard? Unappreciated?

If so, what happens to you? Do you pull back and get quiet or do you get bigger and louder? How does it affect you?

In the past weeks, I have had a reoccurring experience. And have paused to remember something that was shared with me by a trusted and valued colleague. I continue to have the same experience and I am wondering if you too are having it as well.

I have always observed that when people feel disrespected, unappreciated, or marginalized they either withdraw their commitment, talent and energy, or act out. During the pandemic — and this time of social distancing and hybrid working — I observe a distancing. At first, we overcame it with effort. In the second year we started to settle in to — and build new routines around — working from home, connecting via technology, and communicating by email, text, and finally the phone. Some people find working remotely to their liking, others really struggle. For those who must maintain a schedule at the office , plant, or facility it feels less equitable and stressful. In this third year of learning to live with a virus that requires us to quarantine when tested positive, I see and feel the disconnects in our relationships.

It has been shared with me daily how the time spent together learning, sharing, planning, resolving, and connecting is so very valuable. Nothing replaces face-to-face time together.

Many individuals have started new jobs during the pandemic and have never met their co-workers in person. We have learned that we can work virtually. That has taught us many things and expanded our boundaries of work. Those that were globally on teams have really enjoyed the new technology and ways to work together around the world.

The question is, however, in the distance of a zoom meeting, email, or text are you being seen and heard? Are you really connecting with others?

My friend and colleague, Joanne, who lived in South Africa as a US Peace Corp Volunteer shared with me the African greeting that was used daily. In Zulu, the greeting of “Sawubona” means I see you. It is more than a “Hej” or “Hello” or “How are you?” It is said with a direct gaze to your face and a pause. The response is “Sikhoma”, or “I am here.”

This shared knowledge of a cultural ritual has stuck with me. As I have just spent a week of business travel driving to a different city each day to work, I found myself stopping at some point in the engagement and pausing to greet each person again with the presence of “Sawu Bona”. It shifted the energy in the room and changed to depth of the conversation each time.

The order of the exchange is important because until you see me, I do not exist. It is as if when you see me, you bring me into existence.

Do you ever just jump into a meeting without introductions?
Can you remember passing someone in the hallway without a greeting?
Do you know how that makes the other person feel or think?

I feel like the past years are boiling up all the moments when others felt unseen. My friend Joanne asked, “If the power system and people in power didn’t see me…. was I not there?”

We are living in very important times for important conversations and connections.

It might feel hard, overwhelming, scary, and so much more. You might want to ignore that which you feel you cannot change. You might want to scream, shout, and cry. I share all your feelings.

Today, tomorrow, and going forward I am going to carry “Sawubona” in my pocket. In every interaction I will quiet my active mind and busy self to see the person in front of me in their entirety. I will ground myself in the moment we share. I will offer my respect and be open to their contributions. I will start each morning looking in the mirror and offering myself this same respect.

I want to keep learning and contributing. Thank you, Joanne, for sharing this cultural lesson and for always seeing me.

I believe this is a leadership and managerial behavior which is easily overlooked — similarly to that of recognition. It is the commonsense things that are not common practice or become overlooked when we are too busy, stressed, or struggling.

I believe that I can bridge the difficult moments with a “Sawubona” response. And start every relationship on right footing when I slow down to see the other person.

I want to share that “I see you.” I appreciate all that you bring to the world.

Will you join me in Sawubona?”

Leslie

“You can’t go back and change the beginning, but you can start where you are and change the ending.”

— C.S. Lewis