Five Lessons from Matthew Gregor

The first person I was able to ask was  Matthew Gregor, founder of Revision Pilates and Body Anthropology. Matthew is more than a Pilates Trainer for  my physical well-being, he is a friend. His studio and listening ear are a place for me to air my emotional distress, to be vulnerable, and accept help. He encourages me. He supports me. And he is focused on my structural, muscular, and neurological health. Pilates with Matthew is more than just exercises on a reformer machine.

So, I was interested to hear his take on the marathon metaphor. His perspective has broadened mine.

“We can all become a marathon runner instantly if we approach it with a mindset of success and accept that there will be pain.” That was the first thing Matthew said.

I asked him if we are to be well in this marathon what five strategies must we carry with us?

It took him awhile to articulate what he had learned from thirty years of work in the field of healing and building strength, but these were his five lessons:

1. Develop a new relationship with pain.

2. Noble Truth number one from Buddha – ‘Life is Suffering’

3. Train your brain. See ALL reality in the moment — both good and bad.

4. Who do you love? What do you love?
Connect into this reality.

5. Have compassion for yourself when you fail.

We discussed each lesson as he shared them. They are deep and require much reflection. They are provocative and jar my sensibility. They represent shifts for me in my mindset. And yet, I found truth and grounding in each.

Lesson One: Try not to flee pain. Try to open your heart to the life experience presented to you. How do you think a marathon runner succeeds? They have to accept the sensation of pain but not focus on only that experience.

Lesson Two: Try not to flee the reality that there is suffering. Learning to accept that suffering is a part of life will cause you to struggle less. Understanding that suffering is not distributed equally, it is not fair or easy, we cannot relieve it with legislation, or control it. We must learn how to navigate it. And I have added to this sentiment, to do it together

Lesson Three: Free yourself from the neural programming of the mind. Our habitual brain reflexively causes us to reject parts of reality. In Accepting Reality, Matthew counsels us to not push away the current situation or think that we can get back what we had before. It causes me to think of Buddha again as I have frequently been helped to let go and accept what is because Buddha says, “What we are attached to causes us pain.”

I am starting to see the connectedness to Matthew’s lessons.

Matthew has studied the human physical system to search for how to address pain. His research includes the content of many respected scientists. He has not limited himself to the skeleton and muscles but has found the connection between the brain and emotional states. He shared with me that our dominant brains protect us from pain. That our egos don’t want us to experience lessons #1 or #2. Our dominant brain will try to seduce us into resistance that may take the form of deflection, blame, or anger so that we don’t need to feel the pain. He said to be aware of the times when you go into ‘black and white thinking’ or reactionary action. He said that this is stoked by fear and eats our energy. Learning how to accept the reality, ground yourself in facts, not push away the feelings, and direct your energy toward an action that mediates the reality will help you in this long (painful) reality.

He is suggesting that we wrestle with our dominant brain (left hemisphere, Default-Mode Network, the brain’s amygdala, etc.) – not allowing it to be high-jacked by our fight or flight response — that will save us in an emergency, but which could derail us when a more level-headed response is needed. Matthew’s work very much aligns with the research of Emotional Intelligence which defines E.I. as having high self-awareness and thus self-control (even and especially in the most heated situations).

There is so much bundled into what Matthew shared that I already felt full and ready to digest the lessons, but I needed to understand all five.

Lesson Four: In any moment, does not reality ALSO contain factual elements of bliss and joy and love? While the marathon runner feels pain in every stride, they ALSO feel the strength of their muscles. What will you choose to focus on? Matthew encourages that when in the hurricane of life, find your footing by feeling the energetic reality of love. Plug into what your heart feels. Draw upon that strength.

Lesson Five: Though we can learn to run this marathon, we will also fail in our efforts. Allow for the experience of failure without blame or shame. Most of our life lessons come from the attempt and the learning that is the gift of failing on the first, second, or third try. Be soft and kind with yourself and others as we struggle to keep up with each day.

Thank you Matthew for filling my cup with fresh perspective.