“If you realize that all things change, there is nothing you will try to hold on to.
— Lao Tzu
Recently, my life has been filled with many passages. Now that I think about and reflect upon them, I realize that life is a series of voyages like these. From dependence to independence, through childhood into adulthood with big decisions about relationships, careers, where to nest, and maybe grow a family. So many little and large transitions and passages that we often don’t realize that we are chronologically moving through change. And yet, we bemoan change all the time.
Our bodies, our minds, our mindsets are all impacted by our passage experiences. I have learned to drink it all in and let each new life experience add to the mosaic that has become me. I love to incorporate into my routines a new ritual or habit from a trip to a different culture. I live in a cottage inspired by my trips to Sweden and love for Swedish summer houses. I entertain with Swedish flare, sharing foods from this special country served on pretty plates on a table set with flowers and fabric.I believe that we are formed by our positive and difficult passages.
So my favorite question when interviewing someone or really getting to know them is, “What are the most important formative experiences of your life that make you the person you are today?” It is a big question and requires some patient waiting for the stories to roll out. The sharing always enlightens me greatly. My own reflections on that big question always help me understand why I make the choices I make, choose the friends I choose, and love the work I do.
I ponder these questions:
- What are the most important formative experiences of your life that make you the person you are today?
- What are the most significant passages that you have made?
- What large lessons have you learned and carried forward with you?
I think if you are awake and aware of these important transitions that, hard as some maybe, they can always contribute to your deepening self.
The last five years of my life have been rich with such passages. Now, being on the other side of some big transitions, I am resettling myself with new understanding. I surprise myself with the amount of time I spend being reflective versus moving in action. I am hardwired for motion, busyness, and activity. I will still be The Energizer Bunny of a person but I am now balanced by a more Zen-like iteration who looks before she leaps and stops to smell the roses more frequently. I hope to hold onto this newly found balance of two important forces.
Who are you becoming as you journey forward in life?
It is our shared experiences that most often act as the foundation of our common ground and connection. Life can provide us with universal experiences that can bridge our difference and help us to understand each other better and with great respect.
Today, I am going to turn my reflective self outward and assert my curiosity to learn more about someone else and find our common life experience — and hopefully, our common ground.
Leslie
“I hope that in this year to come, you make mistakes.
Because if you are making mistakes, then you are making new things, trying new things, learning, living,
pushing yourself, changing yourself, changing your world. You’re doing things you’ve never done before,
and more importantly, you’re doing something.”
— Neil Gaiman