I accept and often repeat adages like:

• Life isn’t always easy or even fair.

• It isn’t living unless there are ups and downs, and highs and lows.

That’s me being real while also being the eternal optimist. I believe, too, that:

• Adversity either makes you stronger or tears you down

• It is essential to embrace adversity and develop your own resiliency.

I believe these things; I teach these things; I try to practice these things.

However, not too long ago, a work experience provided me with the opportunity to recognize that, despite all my efforts to be resilient, I can be side-lined by a perceived failure to perform.

I was presenting a workshop on a favorite subject for individuals with whom I was only to meet once. During the session I had a feeling I was not connecting. So, on the fly, I changed my approach. I applied myself in earnest to improve my connection with the group. Later, I discovered that I was not well received by one participant. His review of the workshop was that it was a ‘lousy’ experience for all. I was devastated by his comments.

I take feedback seriously. I own my responsibility in every situation. And, despite my efforts to not, I can take things personally. I left feeling that at best I was received with mixed reviews.

When I was younger, I would have ruminated about this situation obsessively, talking it through, thinking it through, and trying to make the experience itself be better than it was. To some extent, I still do that.

I worked my way through this recent event within less than a week. I grabbed the lessons I was meant to receive and accepted that there were contributing factors not within my control or my contribution.

I had scheduled two more similar engagements during the month, so I committed to more organization, practice, refinement, and mental preparation. I made sure that this time I was completely rested and present for the interaction. Still, I admit, that I carried some anxiety with me as I drove long distances to meet two new groups of individuals.

With preparation complete and just the performance and long drives to be alone with my own thoughts ahead of me, I realized that I was wrestling with my own self-talk.

Athletes and coaches know that after you have practiced and practiced, all that is left on game day is your mental approach. While my long drives gave me lots of time to prepare, it was still a struggle to push away the nervous tension and my fear of failure. I came to understand just how powerful those feelings can be.

Game Day arrived. I had reached out and received support and positive coaching. I was rested, my head filled with positively kind and humble messages. I forged my way out onto my metaphorical ‘playing field’ with the attitude of ‘giving it my all.’ I knew it was time to apply a lot of try.

Two days later, after these two fresh chances to ‘play on and through’ my perceived failure, I realized I was appreciative of the opportunity to be challenged, to rise again, and to improve my game.

I have been reminded how important the fundamentals of preparation and practice are to my contribution. And how what I do and who I am being while I do it matters. I also discovered that when the going gets tough, I don’t just leave the field of play but I reflect, strategize, practice, and try again. But the biggest learning was this: to do all that successfully, I needed to tame my inner self-talk.

While these are everyday lessons about which a bazillion books have been written and quotes crafted, for me there is nothing like a real life lesson to wake me up and remind me once again to keep at my own development.

So this morning my meditation is on adversity and I take my direction from William Shakespeare, ‘Let me embrace thee, sour adversity, for wise men (women) say it is the wisest course.”

__________

• I don’t wish adversity and challenge upon you, but have you too had to battle your way through something hard that has, in the end, been a valuable experience? What was it?
• What did you draw upon to overcome it and improve yourself?

Leslie

“It’s not what happens to you that determines how far you will go in life;

it is how you handle what happens to you.”

— Zig Ziglar