Politics in Bed and Writing in the Tub

“Even in the most peaceful surroundings, the angry heart finds quarrel.

Even in the most quarrelsome surroundings, the grateful heart finds peace.”

— Zoe Zantanmata

Talking about politics in bed might not be the best idea. A late night conversation or early morning chat might not make for good bed fellows. But this is exactly how it played out in my household this morning. I am the early riser with the routine of reading the New York Times while soaking in the bath tub and getting ready for the day. My partner — who is the night owl — is left in bed cuddling with our dog as we occasionally throw a question and answer to each other. This morning the banter is about the football draft picks. Then Allen shared with me that he bounced between Fox News and CNN for a while. He observed that it was like being in two different worlds. I agreed. The Hannity Show featured President Trump and Allen repeated to me some of his commentary.

Here I have to pause. Both Allen and I are very much aligned politically. So our conversation did not morph into a debate but instead pulled a set of observations from my interior. It started with something from my clinical background (organizational behavior), continued from my life experience (family dynamics) and was applied to this real world situation. I delight in sense making and this morning I feel like I have made some sense of a trying situation to which I would like to contribute constructively.

I risk sharing it with you publicly and having you have a ‘sided’ moment where you think I am on one side and you another. That is not my intention. Instead, I am just sharing an observation and inviting you to explore your own observations and understanding.

Here I go.

I would observe that individuals can maintain a strong belief despite contradictory facts because they have created a ‘narrative’ that may have been formed in childhood that keeps them safe emotionally and their ego unthreatened. Any information or experience that they are given is fit into the narrative with some adjustment and then they share the new interpretation. Similar to the childhood game of telephone where the input information changes as it makes its way from person to person popping out the other side greatly changed. Our minds filled with our safety stories adapt new information to fit what is our personal story line. It is convoluted and confusing to others. But you can’t do battle with the narrative. It is a lifelong shield that has power over the person.

At least that is how I experience it in my life. I have danced with my own stories and those of my family and have made the conscious decision to strive to be the most ‘awake’ that I can be. Challenging my assumptions and biases, my attachments and flat sides. I risk my vulnerability in exchange for growth. I accept feedback, seek divergent opinions, take it all in and reflect. I do have strong values that guide my actions and thus will take a stand. However, I want to be constantly learning and growing and not sheltering in the safety of my preferred ‘fairy tale’ narrative. This is a daily walk and I am not finished. I have miles yet to go on this journey.

My morning conversation continued and I moved towards applying what I was observing and articulating to the current politically fraying of our nation and our relationships. I said out loud to Allen, if someone wanted to retain my counsel for their political campaign this is the advice I would give:

• Don’t battle the narrative, it will only create a fight that will escalate.
• Don’t feed the narrative or choose only one source for your information
• If you want something, play with the narrative to get what you want. It is not my preference. While I feel it is very mercenary, I know it is part of the game.
• Create a new narrative based on your clarity and fueled by as much information and inputs as possible. Be vulnerable. Make connections. Seek feedback. Be porous in your figuring out complexity and yet firm in your adherence to your values. Be consistent even if it doesn’t garner you immediate results.
• Don’t let others label you….chose your label, your brand, the story you want to share.

As I stopped bathing to write out my thoughts, I decided that my deductions should simply guide me today. That I won’t seek to give advice to others but to simply put them into practice in my own life and work today and see what happens. Let me know if my sense making sparks anything in your ruminations or if you need me to broaden my lens.

• Do any of my observations resonate with you?
• What ideas do you have for creating conversations of common ground that might improve stability.
• What are your strategies for being open minded while maintaining an opinion and a voice.
• Am I more invested in protecting my own turf or in finding the common ground?
• If it’s all about power. Will I hold onto mine or will I share?

I would add to this, “Listen to opinions, observations and perspectives different than you own. Seek to find your common ground and human connection. Lessen the distance between your connectedness or disconnectedness and find one thing you want to advance together. This would change the earth.”

Leslie

“Never be afraid to raise your voice for honesty and truth and compassion

against injustice and lying and greed.

If people all over the world would do this, it would change the earth.”

— William Faulkner