What started with a rescue to fulfill my mother’s deepest desire to die in a home setting – ended in a friendship. We shared respect, trust, and intimacy, complete transparency in all decisions, love and a ton of try.
This is the story of how my life as a single, mid-life, childless, career-focused woman was changed forever when I wanted to give my parent the reciprocal gift of unconditional love. I didn’t know for how long the gift would last, what the commitment would entail, the demands of caring giving, or all the challenges I would encounter. But I, with my eternal optimism, walked in to world of aging, heathcare, sickness, and death determined to give dignity to the process and navigate the systems, obstacles and unexpected responsibilities with grace.
Betsi never expected to live with one of her daughters. She never wanting to be a burden. When she arrived at her first nursing home she looked into my face and said, “It’s not going according to plan.” What we would learn is that she couldn’t know what she didn’t know and with a high need for control and desire for independence this scenario never occurred to her.
What I was aiming for was a ‘good life’ for my dying mother and a ‘good death’ respectful of her wishes. We got both and more.