Slowing Down, Looking Up

I am always up for a challenge, but have come to realize I am not the young, hot shot, risk taker I once was in my 20s and 30s. I am going to embrace that my risk taking is now paradoxically balanced by a more conservative, informed, paced person who doesn’t always leap before she looks but maintains a realistic assessment of the situation and of her abilities.

I am going to accept this as the sign of maturity and not aging.

I am also embracing that this new balance is putting me on the path of self-awareness and self-control (two of the essential tenants of emotional intelligence). Count on me to turn everything into a positive as I still favor looking for the up-side of every situation; never tempered by pessimism but always grounded in reality.

What dominant qualities of your youth contributed to where you are today?

What opposing attributes have you added to your effectiveness personal recipe to round yourself out?

I was always the person to propose the risky adventure and spent my 30s learning that I should not influence others to do something that they were not ready to commit to on their own.

Life is a process of learning, unlearning, and relearning — a never ending loop of lessons.

I started life as a learner with a disability (that my mother who was a teacher quickly identified and strengthened). Early in school, I grew into becoming a quick learner if it meant seeing and touching versus just sitting quietly and listening. In college, I came to really understand my learning abilities and apply them, finally outdistancing my reputation in high school of being bright but neither disciplined nor hard-working. After several years of post-graduation employment, I arrived at the ‘boot camp’ of owning a small business — where if you don’t learn well, you perish. In the thirty-four years of self-employment and business ownership, I evolved from training to consulting to facilitating, recognizing that learning was both my mode and my service, that building my own capacity was important, but that growing the capacity of others to do it for themselves was my life work.

Here I am, deep in my mid-life, facing some of the most essential big-life questions like:

‘What is my purpose and contribution in this phase of my life?’

‘How should I use my time and talent?’

‘To what do I say yes and when do I say no?’

And a smaller question of the day:

‘Should I attempt to learn how to surf with a middle-aged body and more mature mind?’

Are you entertaining any of these questions?

What has been your learning path?

What will you do today that may provide you with new insight?

Despite my concerns about physical ability and how silly I might look attempting to surf, and how my buddy Allen was so enthusiastic, and the surf swells perfect, the instructor cool and experienced, the sun shining, and the scenery divine — I put on the surf shirt, used humor to get past my nervousness, listened to the instructions, followed directions, and gave it a go. My motivation was to support a friend in his aspiration and maybe just stretch myself. It did mean getting over a mental hurdle, however.

Aren’t most things in life about attitude?

Well, the Hawaiian attitude of laid-back, mellow and happy, and everything-is-good creates a great learning environment. Jimmy, our local surf guide, told me if I was only able to lay, kneel, or just rise on the board that it was called ‘Heenalu’ meaning wave sliding in Hawaiian. This positive reframing gave me permission to try, fail, try, and laugh through all the attempts. I added my own ‘go big or go home’ attitude as it applied to falling into the surf.

My yoga practice showed up on the board as I did my ‘downward dog’ pose — butt high in the air, feet and hands planted firmly — which resulted in cheers from the observers on the pier. I was able to kneel and make goal post arms for more encouragement. I channeled my best Lucille Ball inner self to both entertain and make something that was very strenuous and challenging more fun. Both Allen and Jimmy remarked about my cheeky grin.

I enjoyed just lying on the board floating and cheering Allen’s many attempts and his ability to get his footing. I made jokes, enjoyed the water, and kept trying. As we made our way ashore, I was ready to commit another day to surfing. The next morning my body was asking that I wait and do it later in the week.

I was stretching — beyond my skill level, beyond my experience, and into a fun way to spend some hours in a beautiful place. I have extended my learning path to include:

I still have more to learn.
I can still learn.
I light up when I am learning.
And learning may mean stretching outside of my comfort zone.

Stephen Covey, author of the ‘Seven Habits of Effective People’ said our most human drives are, “To live, To Love, To Learn, and To Legacy” I feel like this is a good direction into which to walk.

Which of the human drives are most present in your life today?