“When we were small children,
we all played dress-up and everybody had a good time.
So why stop?”

— Iris Apfel

The conversations I am having about the concept of being ‘unretired’ are stirring up all sorts of trails of thought to follow.

I realized during one conversation that I may need to converse with many other people because I didn’t follow the social plan of marriage, children, career, retirement, grandchildren, etc. And I don’t have a life partner with whom I am charting our course and that of our family. Instead, it is just me trying to sort and figure it out. Even more reason for me to look at the many different alternatives and role models. If there is anything I have learned in life it is this – there is more than one way to do anything.

Aging may bring the opportunity for you to become a caregiver for your parents, while still working and caring for your children as well. When supporting a person in the final years of their life, you might experience them as very fixated on their age, their loss of control, a need for purpose, and their dance with mortality. In the year I spent with my mother while she was in hospice care, there wasn’t a day that we didn’t discuss death and dying. Death was like having another person in othe household. We both made peace with it. It wasn’t the dying that frightened my mother, it was the path to the dying about which she frequently said sternly, “Wasn’t a walk in the park.”

Living with my mother prompted me to think about aging and becoming a senior and how I would do this final phase with grace and clear intention. My grandparents and then parents told me how quickly the years will pass after a certain point. And I am discovering they were right, the years do seem to speed up. You hit an age and then think about having ten, twenty, or however many years more to be in the world, and about all that you still want to accomplish and experience. That can humble or focus you, or cause distress.

As I am discovering my respect for those in the real “senior” stages of life, I find them being in my friendship circle, contributing and providing me with options and insights of how I might model my own “senior” years when I finally feel I have reached that place and time.

That is one of the biggest lessons about this aging thing. Don’t let anyone label you. Your age is simply a number you have reached. What matters more are your physical health and mental abilities. With some intentional good habits, each of us can maintain our health and stay active for a lot longer than previous generations of our families.

A colleague, who is still working as a professor, came to a course of mine at the University and we have maintained a friendship. Though well past the age that other individuals might cease to work, this vibrant woman still has goals and aspirations. She is up for any learning adventure. She is not finished, but adds to her vocation the work of writing a novel. She has joined writing communities, asked for coaching, works on the outline, character development, and story with steadfastness. I can’t wait to celebrate the final product. She shares a journey which is rich in lessons for us both.

I have a long list of admired friends, colleagues, and former clients who guide me by pursuing their lives with a sense of balance. Not all work and not all play – but a blending of vocation, avocation, service, and on-going growth.

This calls to mind the George Bernard Shaw quote A Splendid Torch:

“This is the true joy in life, the being used for a purpose recognized by yourself as a mighty one; the being a force of nature instead of a feverish, selfish little clod of ailments and grievances complaining that the world will not devote itself to making you happy.

“I am of the opinion that my life belongs to the whole community, and as long as I live it is my privilege to do for it whatever I can.

“I want to be thoroughly used up when I die, for the harder I work the more I live. I rejoice in life for its own sake. Life is no “brief candle” for me. It is a sort of splendid torch which I have got hold of for the moment, and I want to make it burn as brightly as possible before handing it on to future generations.”

I heard this quote first when used by Stephen Covey, author of “The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People.” It has always stuck with me. The quote reminds me I am aware that I am not alone in wrestling with this aging, retirement question. So much has been written about this season of one’s life.

It is a human question to ponder one’s future. Why we feel the need to put a timeline to our quest for meaning, I may never understand. But I feel no need to follow anyone else’s road map to spend my time or talent, nor with whom I should spend them.

Now I sound like a radical, unretired, non-zombie who is ready to ‘double-down’ on my commitment to contributing where needed and where invited.

The individuals in my field of practice — which was in its infancy when I completed my graduate studies — whom I have trailed and followed and who broke the ground for the foundation of organizational development are not finished either. Age is not a deterrent to their creating new content, sharing it widely and generously, and yet working with renewed vigor because there is a need. Edgar Schein, who authored many books including my favorites, “The Humble Inquiry,” “The Humble Leader, and “The Humble Consultant” (written in his eighties) consulted on his last day of life, dying at the age of 94 in 2023.

Similarly, roles models in my field like Peter Block, Margaret Wheatly, and Geoffrey Bellman are leaning in on their commitment to being relevant and giving voice to perspectives still needed.

I greatly appreciate watching, learning, and having their commitment to keep my fire for contribution burning so brightly.

So, I won’t act my age — whatever that might mean to you — I will bring my cumulative experience to the table with a constantly curious, open-minded, and adult-to-adult approach to all I do. There are many benefits to passing some threshold of age — one being that you are prepared and willing to say what needs to be said with no concern about being popular. Who knew?

And if I show up at your office door, please don’t turn me away. I want to be in the mix. I have more to give. Let’s create some fun.

Leslie

“The advice shouldn’t be to act your age.
It should be to act your spirit.
Your age may try to prohibit you from dancing like that,
or starting over, or trying something new.
But your spirit would never do such a thing.” 

— Light Watkins