“Giving advice is like seeing an elephant in someone’s path and suggesting they remove it.
Heeding advice requires forcing the elephant to budge. Huge difference.” 

― Richelle E. Goodrich

This week, I found myself in a unique position. Instead of giving advice I was on the receiving end of a ‘boat load’ of advice.

Because of my work, I am in a mode of continuous learning, sharing, doing and helping others to find solutions. I have learned that holding the right questions is a more positive and helpful approach to guiding than is giving advice. However, when someone is asking for help and doesn’t know what to do or how to approach it, being directive is the kind and effective thing to do. It has always been a dance between how much and/or how little of advising is beneficial and when to step back.

I have been told that advice is cheap. And I have experienced that giving advice is not always appreciated or taken and applied. It is like the old adage about giving a person a fish or teaching them how to fish. So I temper my advising and use questions and guiding to help individual find their own answers.

However, there is a time and place for advice. And that is part of my learning this morning.

I rely on the Ken Blanchard model of ‘Situational Leadership’ to help me know how much touch and telling is helpful. The model suggests that we use different strokes for different folks depending on what they are doing. Managing — and how much or how little involvement we have with the day-to-day work of our co-workers and direct reports — is situational.

If someone is new to the work, the task, and the process and wants to learn but is not experienced, the kindest and most effective use of your time—and theirs — is to be directive and hands on.

As they climb the learning curve and work to master the new responsibilities, they won’t require you to repeat the instructions. But may need you to be available to coach their attempts and refine their approach. Learning is not a hit and run sport. Mastery of complexity takes time and patience on everyone’s part.

Coaching involves both technical instruction and encouragement if you want individuals to stay the course in learning new responsibilities.

As individuals step into new roles and new responsibilities, they may know what to do but they do need your support — which is a different way of spending your time. Less advising and more questions are helpful.

When you recognize that the person is the best to do the work, knows what they are doing, and wants to shoulder the responsibility,  then get out of their way and delegate. This means giving real responsibility, authority, and the credit, too!

Good managing is the ability to recognize what others need from you and when to intervene. It is our skills that need to be flexible, adaptable, and appropriately applied. When we do this we grow ourselves, others, and the organization. Things get done and it is more fun to manage.

None of these approaches is heavy on the advice giving or simply telling. None of these are micro-managing.

This takes me back to the beginning of my story. I am a self-employed consultant who has been in the saddle for many years. I am expected to have answers and to give advice. I seek to be learned, share resources, and guide with situational awareness. But can fall into the trap of becoming too telling.

When my recent blog entitled ‘Sugar is not my Friend’ was posted, I found myself on the receiving end of lots of support. Good advice poured into my email and stories of how other people have confronted their ‘sugar demon’ were shared.

And though I just expounded upon the traps of advice-giving, I found myself grateful for all the care. Sometimes when someone takes the time to share their experience and even advice, it is a sign of their caring. I felt the sincerity of their helping hands, shared information, and the offer of support. More than caring, I felt the love and shared experience. Thank you.

So, armed with several newly-suggested books (“Bright Line Eating” and “Grain Brain”), many articles and resources, tips for good exercises, and encouragement, I move into this New Year armed with fresh energy for finding my balance with my physical well-being. Thank you.

Being the recipient of good advice has filled my cup. I received advice given not to ‘fix’ the person as a problem but to demonstrate understanding, common experience, and caring. That type of advice is a gift. I appreciate all the gifts. Thank you.

• Do you see the positive intention behind the advice that others might be sharing with you?

• Do you show your care when giving advice?

• Have you received the gift of advice recently?