“Keep taking time for yourself
until you’re you again.”
— Lalah Delia
I am aware that this has been a tough season for colds, the flu, COVID, and all sorts of maladies. I struggled with a virus that, I am convinced, affected the dogs first and then found me as a host. I was able to get the dogs the right medical treatment, but I struggled to find something for myself. I believe I need to write a blog about how to navigate an overwhelmed medical system and how to advocate for yourself or a loved one’s best treatment. But not today.
I want to share my gratitude for reclaiming my mental clarity and physical energy after being sick for almost a month.
My parents role-modeled that you will feel better when you get up, shower, and get on with your duties when you are not feeling well. So, I tried that every day for four weeks. I call it plowing. I put my head down, make a list, and do one thing at a time— although with less energy, enthusiasm, and spark.
Friends noticed the absence of my calls. If we connected, they could hear the malaise in my voice — that is, if I could talk through the coughing.
Every day, I looked for small improvements in my health. But I rose slowly each morning without the spring in my step; and given a finite amount of energy, I ran out of steam in the mid-afternoon and would settle in for a nap. This is not my normal modus operandi.
• Did any of you have a similar start to the new year? Friends and colleagues have shared with me that they have been sidelined throughout the winter months. Oh my!
I think we are more aware of how we are feeling because of the Pandemic. I know that more of us are taking precautions and staying home when, in the past, we would go to work feeling sick. I have a hunch that I and my aging friends are discovering that our bodies don’t have the same ‘bounce’ that we had in our youth and take more time to recover. There is so much that contributes to this feeling blue and settling in sick. I’m sure the dark days of winter play a role in our well-being as well.
I can’t stop in my tracks because I am self-employed and have six furry friends that need attention. It was with the help of many friends that I managed through the especially hard days. Now the dogs and I have emerged from our winter-virus cocoon.
I feel like I am behind. Yet the world keeps on going. I need to remind myself that I am not so essential and that I can catch up again when I am feeling stronger.
After getting the right medical attention, it was my mental clarity that returned first. I tested myself by seeing if I could write a country song inspired by the experience, and I did. When my humor shows up, I know I am rebounding.
My energy, however, lagged.
Then one morning last week, while pulling the garbage cans out to the curb, I felt it. A special wellspring in my chest and a bounce in my step that filled my system with joy. The abundance of energy that I have been gifted with all my life, and upon which I depend had returned.
I miss it greatly when it is gone, and I rejoice every time it returns. For me, it is metaphorically like Peter Pan finding his shadow.
I have picked up my schedule, rescheduled my canceled commitments, and re-engaged in my work and daily life. What a blessing!
It gives me perspective and causes me not to take my abilities for granted or the help of my friends.
The return of my sometimes over-the-top energetic self was noticed immediately by everyone.
Every phone conversation caused someone to say, “You must be feeling better, I can hear it in your voice.”
At the first client visit, a member of the team noticed my positivity and commented. I shared that it had been missing throughout January but had found its way back into my chest this morning. He smiled and said, “That is where your heart chakra is located, it must be open wide today.” I smiled back and appreciated the exchange.
While I was plowing through the days with low energy and no spark, I realized that others must have felt that as well. I know that I cannot (and should not) be ‘Susie Sunshine’ all the time or in every situation, but I also know how important each of us is in creating the tone and tenor of our organizational climates.
• Are you aware of how your energy, attitude and approach to others can raise or lower the positivity in your environment?
I also know that we are a beautiful collage of feelings — happy, sad, generous, scarce, trusting, mistrusting, and infinitely more. To be authentic, you need to be in touch with your inner landscape and feelings — and with the environment you are entering. I don’t deny myself my feelings, but I do attempt to calibrate with the person or group with whom I am engaging.
On this week of being reunited with my special zing, I didn’t yet have my hand on the volume dial of my energy. While participating in another organizational event, I met someone new to the organization. I felt like we connected immediately in a positive way. As we were being facilitated, I had the opportunity to be in her group. After the session, she shared with me that I had ‘triggered’ something in her — and that her impression of me was not positive.
I appreciated her candor. She did not blame or shame me but shared that my very strong positivity triggered her and memories of other interactions where this big energy was not authentic and even felt manipulative. Oh my! Yet she did not lay this feedback in my lap as criticism but chose to own it and reflect more upon it.
Me? I am a pleaser. I want to like — and be liked by — everyone. Do you know how unrealistic that is? Especially if you are a consultant/facilitator responsible for finding the most truthful and honest path and feedback.
Because this new friend was choosing to explore her feelings, I chose the same path. I realized that I had regained my valued positive energy but had yet to start to manage the volume of me appropriate to every situation and person. I had yet to stop hugging everyone in every greeting in this week of finding my special sauce. Yikes!
• Can you relate to my story?
There are so many lessons to be learned from every interaction if we only take the time to observe and reflect.
If our efforts don’t result in the outcome we desire or a response from the other person, maybe it is not about us; and maybe it is.
Being sick for all of January has slowed me down enough that I still am not too engaged in busyness to observe how I move through the world.
I know that I am not everyone’s cup of tea. However, I would like to contribute positively, every day, with every interaction and responsibility. I accept that I am a work in progress.
• What self-awareness had bubbled up for you in this first month of the new year?
Leslie
P.S. Even the outfits I picked reflected my energy. On one visit, I was wearing a new outfit and new shoes. I was channeling my Swedish self, but when I emerged from the elevator, a table of seniors called out to me, “Good morning, Mrs. Claus!” They were spot-on. Not only did I look like Mrs. Claus dressed in red with silver hair, but my energy was Mrs. Claus too. I sort of took it as a compliment. But this big energy, personality, and voice might not be ‘right’ for everyone. I thought I was more of a Mary Poppins. You know, ‘A spoon full of sugar helps the medicine go down…’
Maybe this is part of my brand. I embrace the energy. I am grateful for its return. I will try to explore the many authentic ways it can be expressed.
“What you think, you become.
What you feel, you attract.
What you imagine, you create.”
– Buddha
Recent Comments