I know that it is the season of my life and my age that I am facing a rising level of illness, dying and death in my circle of family, friends, and acquaintances. Each loss renews deep feelings of grieving and sadness. I don’t fear this process anymore or the feelings that come with it. I open my arms and hug all that humanness of the cycle of life. In the process I learn so much about myself. Where I am still broken and healing — and where I am strong and clean.

It’s valuable to watch other people manage these transitions. Some do it with such grace, love, compassion, and selflessness that I am honored to witness and be present. It inspires me to continue working on myself.

I become saddened when I see others struggle with their issues, those who cannot share another person’s burden. I am currently witness to the decline of some friends who have family near them but whose family cannot put aside their issues to generously contribute to a ‘softer landing’ for those in the process of losing mental and physical abilities. The ‘dance of family dysfunction’ is too familiar for me to be objective.

This experience causes me to consider how I might contribute in a positive way to the situation. My learning from this consideration for care givers — or reluctant care givers — is:

“Don’t fit your loved ones into your life as they lose control of theirs. Fit yourself  into their life where they feel safe and want to be. It is a small sacrifice for all that they gave to you.”

I accept that some individuals are able to do this while others will not be able to put aside self to make the gift and take the walk with their aging parents, partners, or friends.

Today, I will make the walk and do it without judgement for those around me. However, it makes me sad when I see friends miss the opportunity for the sweet moments that come from selfless caring.

Do you have any thoughts or observations or experiences with this?

Leslie

“A candle loses nothing by lighting another candle.”

— James Kell