“You may think your light is small, but it can make a huge difference in other people’s lives.”
— Anonymous
Though we are related, I did not grow into a relationship with my cousin or his wife until I started to visit my uncle as a surrogate for my mother who could no longer travel. My mother, whose elder brother was her personal hero, wanted me to annually carry her well wishes and some Pennsylvania treats to her brother and his family on the East Coast.
It was during these visits that I started to know my uncle and aunt a little more deeply and to begin a relationship with their son and his wife. Growing up, we were separated by miles and living in a family where the marriage was unraveling. Being a nuclear family and having large family get-togethers is not part of my life’s story line. Not surprisingly, I yearned for a close extended family my entire life.
During my mother’s last year when she moved in with me and I added care giving to my role, I forged an ever-lasting relationship with my cousin and his wife. We were barely acquaintances but the stress and shared commitment to aging parents and in-laws bonded us together. We are not just related, now we are friends and confidants.
This morning we had a long call to catch up. My cousin-friend Judy, along with her husband (my cousin Allen), is working her way through boxes of her in-law’s company history. It is a lifetime of paper, photographs, slides, and memorabilia. My Uncle started the enterprise that today Allen runs with Judy alongside and so included in these boxes is the history of this entrepreneurial adventure and all of the responsibility that goes with it.
Our call today was a good distraction for Judy who could sort and share at the same time. During the call I took the opportunity to ask her the questions that I am asking many others.
Are you experiencing burnout?
Her answer was quick, “Of course. The metaphor of marathon is a perfect description for this experience that we are having together. We are all together in this saying to ourselves….Oh no, it will be done by the end of the summer… By the fall… Before we are deep into the winter. And before you know it we will be staring down the barrel of the holidays and still walking or running into uncertainty.”
She paused.
I asked her how will she continue the marathon in the dark days of winter? Again, she clearly knows her contribution in this time and continued by sharing, ‘I check myself each day to see if we are holding the needs of those less fortunate. I am highly aware and feel hyper-responsible for doing what I/we can do to keep everyone well. ‘
She went on to say, ‘We are tired. Everyone is tired. We have only had to shut the company down for one day when we thought someone had contracted the virus. We are increasing our hours from a 30 hour work week to a 50 hour work week. This is a good problem to have. But everyone is tired. I have let go of my lists and know that the most important thing I need to do every day is connect with each person.
Judy and Allen measure the wellness of each day by their ability to lead and guide the entire company safely through this marathon. Neither is a boastful person nor looking for accolades but just quietly, thoughtfully, generously, focusing their energy on surmounting each challenge with grace and seeing each person though.
I am grateful to have them in my life. One of my life boats in this marathon that I sometimes turn into a sailing metaphor is to stay connected to family, friends, colleagues, and my communities. We each are experiencing a different path through the same obstacle course and I benefit from hearing everyone’s perspective — and perhaps learning a new trick or two.
Each conversation renews my confidence that people are basically good, well intentioned, able to learn and adapt; and that when we pull together we can get through anything.
Though several states away, a phone conversation to Judy always brings us closer.
To whom are you reaching out during this endurance race when the end is obscured by the dark?
Leslie
“But my darling, there’s no such thing as the light at the end of the tunnel,
you must realize that you are the light.”
— Anonymous
