We Are Imperfect

I asked a friend for feedback on my Secrets blog. I am anxious that what I write is responsible and relevant. As the fog and weight of grief and physical exhaustion has waned following my year as a full-time care-giver ending in my mother’s passing, I find myself very awake. Every day is filled with new awareness and gratitude for the simplest of things. I feel as if a door to a new world in me has opened and I am energetically striding through. Lessons fall into my hands and heart like a Hershey Kiss hail storm. I am journaling and writing about each new Ah-ha. When I am given a new perspective that I think more people would appreciate, I share. But I am still asking myself, is this blizzard of Leslie’s self-discovery too much or too often? And most importantly, is it helpful? It is my mission to be helpful.

My friend — and now realtor — who has helped me in both selling and buying a new home in support of my life transition post-parents and into my senior years, provided me with welcomed feedback and more. He let me know how my writing affected him and how he related. He also gave me some background on the Alcoholics Anonymous saying I quoted: “You’re only as sick as your secrets.” He shared with me that this saying comes from steps #4 and #5 in the twelve step program of AA. Step #4 makes a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves. And Step #5 is Admit to God, ourselves, and another human being, the exact nature of our wrongs.

I so appreciated the feedback and the new understanding of the context. I have always recognized the twelve step process of AA as enlightened. I often use Alcoholics Anonymous as an example of how things great and challenging can be accomplished without hierarchy, or an exchange of money, or the dependence on a single leader but instead in a self-organized, shared leadership way, organized with structure and systems, process, and norms that rely on the membership to share the teachings and mentor the progress.

My friend Steve gently reminded me that my glowing recognition of AA was true but also he reminded me that it doesn’t work for everyone, it doesn’t work the first time for some, and that we are imperfect, and so is AA. This simple request for feedback was turning into a conversation that kept unlocking more understanding for me.

I started to make notes to capture the power of the moment and then stopped just to relish the understanding we had achieved and the common ground that we had found.

What started as a quiet self-check ended in a warm embrace of understanding. I was reminded that in whatever I write there are no quick fixes, no silver bullets, no single way for making one’s path. That living is complex and deep; that the lessons will keep emerging as we choose to be curious, remain open, and listen to what the world and those around us are willing to share. I appreciate all of the messages I receive after posting each blog and the warm words of support for my journey.

I am listening, learning, and sharing. We are in this together.

Leslie

“Ultimately, the motivation underlying our pursuits should not be wholly personal,
but a desire to be of service.”

— Vilayat Kan (1916 – 2004)

Author of  “Awakening: A Sufi Experience”