“A human being is a part of the whole called by us universe,
a part limited in time and space.
He experiences himself, his thoughts and feeling
as something separated from the rest,
a kind of optical delusion of his consciousness.
This delusion is a kind of prison for us,
restricting us to our personal desires
and to affection for a few persons nearest to us.
Our task must be to free ourselves from this prison
by widening our circle of compassion
to embrace all living creatures
and the whole of nature in its beauty.”

― Albert Einstein

A vendor has become a friend. And this vendor-friend was in pain. He was struggling with his working relationships, with his personal relationships and his place in the world. He said with great angst, ‘I don’t fit in the world that I am working and living in and I just want to go back to where I fit and feel like I am a person.’

I can relate to this feeling. I can imagine that most of us have felt it many times as we shed our growing skins and stepped into new situations with new people. It was not hard to access my empathy and compassion for this vendor-friend and put my agenda of getting something done aside in order to listen, reassure and use questions to help this man find his life legs to stand tall and confident.

As we talked, he used a very powerful metaphor for how he was feeling. This cued me that he was self-aware and very thoughtful. He said that he felt, ‘like he was an animal at an African watering hole in a time of scarce water’. He didn’t feel like a predator but more like their prey and was feeling like he would neither get his share of the water nor walk away alive.

This was a powerful statement. I knew that I was with someone who was asking for help. I am always listening and watching for these cues. I always make a point of calling attention this very human condition when I am teaching management, leadership, or facilitation because there is always someone in our radius at work, in life, and at home who is feeling excluded, disenfranchised, hurt, or misunderstood. In my definition of leadership, good management, and just being a good person it is incumbent upon us to pause, settle, and support those around us in need. We will be in their shoes one day, guaranteed.

I have learned that when I slow down and take the time, not only can I help another person but I am reminded how fragile we are and how fragile life is. I always walk away with more gratitude and grace and a deeper understanding of myself and a fresh perspective. It isn’t just the right thing to do, it is the healthiest thing to do for everyone involved.

Over the years I have learned that I cannot ‘fix’ anyone but can ‘facilitate’ their finding their own path. Though I would love to put everyone on my shoulder and climb the hill of life together, I have learned that I cannot do that and should not do that.

I also know that not everyone will make the turn.

Today, my vendor-friend struggled with his own issues, found a metaphor that expressed his feelings, and considered his options through these questions: ‘What happens at the watering hole when everyone gets a share and everyone walks away to live another day?’ ‘What behaviors are necessary?’

He made his list, decided to pick a path and found the strength to play through.

I think his metaphor is wise and helpful to us all.

He asked me why I would stand beside him when he was so very at loose ends and I replied, ‘I am a very loyal person especial when those I support are learning and taking responsibility for themselves. It makes it easy to be loyal, and to keep the friendship strong.’

• Is there someone close that needs your support, compassion, and a listening ear?

• Are you able to put aside the task at hand to help another person through a moment of despairing?

• Do you know how to lift another person up without doing the life work for them?

• Have you ever leaned in with a significant helping hand without the expectation that you would be repaid, rewarded, or recognized? How did it feel? Would you do it again?

There is a lot of fresh writing in the leadership category with the theme of kind being more important than competent. I would like to think we can be both!

Leslie

“Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a harder battle.”

― Plato